I’m Done Doing Everything
On boundaries, the perfect blush and a pizza-inspired cocktail of my dreams
A NOTE FROM MANDANA
This year has been my year of no. Not by design, but by necessity. I ended my “year of yes” last year, burned out, struggling with my health, and so disconnected. So this year I made a different choice. No to the endless dinners. No to the “quick favors” that were never quick. No to the expectations and the shoulds that pretend to be opportunities. As a people pleaser who is borderline-obsessed with being the best friend, the best mother, the best executive, the best advocate, etc. - saying no was actually terrifying. The idea of letting others down was just not something I could stomach. I know this is weird, but I didn’t know until my 40s that I didn’t have to do things I didn’t want to. I will never forget standing next to my friend at an annual industry event that used to make me want to crawl into the ground - she looked at me and said “you know, we don’t have to come.” I mean, honestly, it was a complete revelation. I had spent my whole life smiling through things I desperately wanted to run away from. I really don’t think social anxiety + people pleasing = a winning combination.
And then I realized that saying no just meant I was saying yes to myself, my health, and my presence with my family. I finally created space to make intentional choices and have agency over my time. So now, as the holidays approach and the invitations start to roll in, I can feel the old “shoulds” creep back up. But this time, my yeses are intentional. They come from curiosity and joy, not obligation. I ask myself each time - do I actually want to do this?
As we head into a busy season, I hope you give yourself permission to edit. To pause. To say no when you need to. It feels great, trust me. And if your gut is to just stay in, then pour a cocktail, put on some fuzzy socks, and watch a great show. I have plenty of recommendations below.
I’d love to know what’s on your mind. Questions, ideas, suggestions, recipes - please send them all my way: allofit@mandanadayani.com